Insomnia (Sexual Misconduct Volume I) Page 2

  I rolled my eyes and chuckled. He was trying to goad me with his abrasive vulgarity. Maybe he thought I’d give him what he wanted just so I wouldn’t have to deal with his suggestive behavior.

  I stood and leaned in toward him, eye to eye, our noses a mere inch apart. “I assure you, I am in no way interested in the head you have down there. But I can guarantee you the head up here…” I tapped my finger on his forehead and licked my lips as the temperature of the room increased. “I’ll suck it until it’s spewing out things you didn’t know were in there.”

  His eyes darkened with lust, and he lifted a brow in surprise. I only meant to throw his innuendos back at him, but the sexual energy in the room ratcheted up so high my pulse echoed rapidly in my ears. He tilted his head, and I feared he’d lean in and try to kiss me, even more frightened I’d let him. He smiled, then licked his lips. I followed the slow, seductive movement of his tongue, ached to trace it with mine. It took some effort, but I finally found the strength to step away. I removed my blazer because—let’s face it—I was in dire need of a cool-off. I threw it across my chair and turned back to him.

  “I like you, Ms. Shaw.”

  “Dr. Shaw.”

  “You sure you can’t squeeze me into your schedule today? How will you sleep in your bed tonight knowing I’ll be tossing and turning in mine?”

  “The guilt trip won’t work either.” I shook my head sadly.

  “You know, Dr. Shaw, I usually just fuck my way to sleep. Maybe you could invite me to your bed. Kind of like… a sleep study of sorts.” Hmm… The devilish glint in his eyes told me sleep was the last thing he’d want to do in my bed.

  “I wouldn’t let you see my bed in your dreams.”

  He smiled. I couldn’t help but smile back as I admired the little dimple that appeared on his right cheek. “You win, Dr. Shaw… for now.” He turned and strode out of the room without looking back.

  I plopped down into my chair and let out a frustrated puff of air. Taking him on as a patient was clearly a mistake, especially with the attraction that sparked between us. In this small proximity, with that man, I had definitely felt my defenses weakening. The situation was disastrous. I was either screwed or I’d get screwed, and professionally, the latter wasn’t an option.

  The Voices in My Head

  Xander

  I don’t know why I let my mother talk me into this. I thought I left this kind of thing behind in California.

  The only good thing about being home was if I kept a low enough profile, I’d start to feel like a regular human being again. Not some famous entity whose life was up for evaluation every single day.

  Coming to this party wasn’t only a favor to my mom, but my dad who passed away six weeks ago. In his years in this town, my dad had become a pillar. He went from prosecutor, to mayor, then senator in twenty years.

  His sudden heart attack left a burden on the state to replace him. This gala was an annual thing he started ten years ago when he’d become senator. Mom wasn’t ready to make a public appearance, and with me being the in control son, it was up to me to represent the family and, most importantly, my dad.

  As I stood in the crowd among all the people my dad used to rub shoulders with, his voice rang in my ears. Xander, you can’t keep hiding. I shouldn’t have to always jump on a plane to come see you. When are you coming home?

  I shook my head to clear the memory. Jonathan Pierce had been a force to be reckoned with. He was a staunch opponent, a devoted husband, and a more amazing father than I deserved. Staying in this town was my way of atoning for disappearing for so long.

  “Your mom misses you,” he’d said during one of his weekly calls. Silence. I was always quiet when he started in on me about coming home.

  “Xander?”

  I sighed. “Yeah, Dad?”

  “I’ve fixed everything for you. Haven’t I always? What else do you need me to do to get you to come home? How much more do I need to sacrifice for you to show up? Even if it’s just in passing.”

  Rewind time and make it so I’d never been such a selfish idiot.

  They say a parent’s love is the greatest gift. For me, it was a gift and a curse. They poured their soul into me. Loved me and gave me everything I desired, and I felt invincible. Like anything I wanted in the world could be mine. Spoiled rotten is what it was, and it fit because I still couldn’t figure out how to get rid of the dark pit inside me that made me want to take what I wanted and do anything to keep it.

  The one thing I inherited from my parents had been their capacity of love. They loved big. But me? I loved hard. Dangerous love that brought out a rotten selfishness in me, a dark urge to preserve the one thing I became centered on.

  “Love drives us to make mistakes, Xander. When will you start forgiving yourself?”

  Fuck, I need a drink.

  Sobriety wasn’t working for me tonight. It was as if my father’s ghost was looming in the room, whispering in my ear. He was my second-biggest regret in life and that just added to the dark burden I carried around.

  Staying in this town wasn’t easy, but it was my penance, my apology to my dad for not being brave enough to stand up to my ghosts and come home when he’d wanted me to.

  “Xan,” my dad’s voice echoed in my head.

  “Yeah, Dad,” I whispered out loud to a memory, not caring who saw me talking to myself. Fuck it. I was already going to see a psychiatrist; I might as well go all in with the insanity.

  “Things will change for you. When you find what you’ve been searching for, you won’t have to fight so hard to keep it.”

  “I’m not looking for anything, Dad,” I’d answered.

  “You’ve always been looking. Mom and I always knew your love was too big for you. When you loved someone, you loved completely, with no shields. I know you shut that part of you down a long time ago, but one day you’ll open yourself up again.”

  And be pathetic again? I didn’t think so.

  “You’ve just got to trust in yourself, Xan. Trust that you’re enough. You deserve to move on, son. Deserve to be loved. You know we still love you despite everything, right?” The golf-size ball of emotions stuck in my throat kept me from responding. I nodded my head, though he couldn’t see me.

  “You’ll find someone to love you despite it all, too.”

  I’d hung up the phone that night without uttering another word. No, I love you, Dad, thanks, Dad, or a simple bye, Dad. If I knew then that would be the last time I’d ever hear his voice, I’d have told him all those things. I’d have purged the hurt in me to the one person left on this earth who would’ve understood.

  I walked over to the bar and ordered a glass of water because—let’s face it—I was already mumbling to ghosts. I didn’t need alcohol to induce hallucinations. I decided to step outside for some air because it felt like my dad’s memory was suffocating me in that room. I stood in a small alcove along the garden, where I thought no one would see me. After twenty minutes and two people accidentally running into me and engaging in conversation, I knew I’d be making an early exit.

  As I stepped back into the hall, a flash of red hair caught my attention. Maybe my mind was still playing tricks on me, but if Dr. Shaw was really here, I had to find her. Suddenly, I was in less of a hurry to go home and a bit fixated on finding her.

  Bow Down

  Avery

  “Avery, darling, you look beautiful, as usual,” Teresa Richardson said as she air-kissed me on both cheeks. Her sickly sweet smile made my stomach turn, but I pasted on a similar one as she started babbling on about her new charity. I never felt comfortable at these parties. I was too successful to mingle with the housewives, yet not successful enough to mix in with the high-profile businessmen. Matthew chatted with Teresa’s husband, so I nodded and pretended to listen to what she was saying. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate her charity work; I just thought a little humility went a long way. I had a soft spot for those who did charity work and didn’t thrive on the praise th
at came with it.

  I saw a waiter passing by with a tray of wine glasses and slipped away to grab one. As I turned back to the group, I bumped into a solid wall of muscles and spilled half my glass all over his tux.

  “I’m so sorry.” I quickly dug in my bag for a handkerchief and began to pat the liquid off his seemingly expensive jacket. “I’m sorry I wasn’t looking and I—”

  “It’s fine, Dr. Shaw.”

  That voice stilled the movement of my hand. With all my flustering, I hadn’t even looked up to see my victim, but the smooth timbre of his voice was unmistakable. I looked up and eyed Xander.

  Tonight he wore a black tux that molded to his broad shoulders and hard biceps. I wouldn’t have thought it possible for him to look even more devastating than this morning, but he did. He was flawless. And though his hair still had that rumpled thing going, I was sure every strand was meticulously made to look that way. He went from grungy exercise clothes to seductively debonair in his tux effortlessly.

  “What are you doing here?” I whispered as if he followed me here and we shared some sort of dirty secret. If we did, I’d remember all the dirty things I did to him—wanted to do to him.

  “You didn’t tell me you knew Xander Pierce,” Matthew said as he joined us, hooking his arm around my waist.

  “I don’t.”

  “Now, Dr. Shaw, I thought we were becoming friends.”

  “We weren’t.” I shook my head.

  “Matthew Evans, Avery’s business partner.” Matt held out his hand, and Xander shook it. He looked between Matthew and me. I saw him trying to figure out if we were just partners. Matt was a handsome man. The new buzz cut thing he had going with his hair only accentuated his honey colored eyes. At one point we had been more than just friends, but that was years ago.

  “I was trying to get a session with Dr. Shaw, but she was fully booked. Or maybe she didn’t care for my methods, because she shoved me to the bottom of her list.”

  “That wasn’t the case, Mr. Peirce. I have other patients who’ve had appointments set for weeks. I can’t just brush them aside because you demand it.”

  “Of course you can.” Matthew jumped in. I looked at him as if he’d lost his mind.

  “No, I ca—”

  “Excuse us.” Matthew pulled my arm and dragged me a few feet away from Xander.

  “Yes, you can,” he hissed through closed teeth. “We have a lunch hour together tomorrow. We’ll reschedule and you’ll see Mr. Pierce.”

  “You expect me to give up my lunch hour for him?” I jabbed my thumb back toward him while looking over my shoulder. He stood there staring at us with his arms crossed and a smug look on his face.

  “Yes, I do. That’s Xander Pierce!” I gave him an uncaring look and shrugged. “Xander Pierce… Actor turned Hollywood producer?”

  I’d never heard of him, but I guess that had a lot to do with me being mostly focused on school and work for so many years.

  “Are you serious, Avery? You need to get out more. Not to mention his father used to be senator, and this party is in his honor. You need to fit him into your schedule. You never know. We may become the therapists to a whole network of actors.”

  I sighed as my frustration grew. “I can’t believe you’re asking me to bow down to him.” I didn’t care how famous he was. I needed to hold firm, because I wasn’t standing on solid ground, and he was quicksand. I glanced over my shoulder in his direction. He smiled and tipped his drink at me, an all-knowing expression on his face. Yeah… he was definitely quicksand, and the closer I got to him, the farther I’d sink.

  “We’re doctors. We help people.” I knew Matt could go on all night with his reasoning. His eyes sparkled with determination.

  “Fine.” I rolled my eyes and gritted my teeth.

  “That’s my girl.” He dropped a kiss on my cheek and pulled me back over to Xander. “Good news! She has an opening tomorrow.”

  “That’s convenient.”

  “Actually, it’s not. I’m giving up my lunch hour,” I added bitterly.

  “Oh… I wouldn’t want you to starve.”

  At least someone is being considerate. I glared at Matt.

  “I’ll bring you lunch.”

  Ugh… Nooo…

  “See, it all works out.” Matthew smiled at the annoyed look I gave him. I hated how he knew he’d get his way. “I’ll leave you two to work out the details. Mr. Pierce…” They both reached out and shook hands. “I hope to see you again soon.”

  “I’m sure you will,” Xander said as he watched Matt walk off. “Boyfriend?” He nodded toward Matt.

  “If I say yes?”

  He looked at me and shook his head. “It won’t stop me.”

  “What will?” I guess we were done beating around bush. We both knew what he really wanted from me, and maybe I’d get him to back off before that predatory gleam in his eyes turned him feral.

  “I think you know the answer, Dr. Shaw.”

  I stared into his green gaze, knowing the unspoken attraction between us was the kind of thing I could lose myself in. “Be there at one tomorrow.”

  I turned and went to search out Matt. His two hours were up, and now that he’d thrown me to the wolf, I needed time to lick my wounds before I had to go up against him again.

  The Session

  Xander

  Avery’s hair was back in that uptight bun again, not a stray tendril gracing her face. Last week at the Gala, it had been out in elegant loose curls. The moment I’d seen that fiery-red hair across the room, it called to me like a beacon in the sea of people. I didn’t know what it was about the beautiful doctor that commanded my attention, but she definitely intrigued me.

  She’d canceled our lunch session last week because she’d gotten stuck at the hospital. Or so she said. I knew she hadn’t enjoyed conceding to me, so I wouldn’t put it past her to have made up an excuse to cancel.

  A week ago, I was sure she’d have a small involvement in my life. I thought I’d talk my way into getting some pills and forget I’d ever met her, but she’d surprised me. Her sophisticated beauty had thrown me off, and then she’d stood her ground and called me on my shit. I liked the way she exuded brilliance yet radiated beauty. And her gumption? I appreciated that too. She was the kind of woman I didn’t come across often. She hadn’t recognized me and didn’t even bat her eyes when her partner told her who I was, and that was refreshing.

  Over the past week, I’d become infatuated with the thought of her, and it was fucking with my head even more than the lack of sleep.

  Avery cleared her throat, slid on a pair of glasses, and crossed her legs. The motion caused her skirt to ride up her thighs. I traced my lips with my index finger, attempting to figure out if she was trying to seduce me, or if she was completely clueless about how tantalizing she looked in her effort to be professional.

  “Are you ready, Mr. Pierce?”

  “Xander,” I said, but it came out so gruff I knew she hadn’t heard me.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Call me Xander.”

  “If it makes you comfortable.”

  “I’m far from comfortable, Dr. Shaw.” I was frustrated, tired, and—thanks to her—my cock was hard, and I needed to fuck.

  “So how long have you been having trouble sleeping?”

  “A while.”

  “Can you be more specific?” She tapped her pen on her chin.

  “Worse since I came back to town.”

  “Well, losing a parent can be hard on anyone. My condolences for the loss of your dad.”

  “This isn’t about my dad. Good try, though.” I tipped my head toward her briefly.

  “Have you ever sought out help before?”

  “No. And I don’t need help. I just need something to get me to sleep.”

  “You do realize I looked you up? I know who you are.” She scribbled on her notepad before making eye contact.

  “I was counting on it.” I smiled and winked at her.

&nb
sp; Her frown deepened, and she grimaced. So using my celebrity wasn’t going to work on her. “So you honestly thought I’d just write you a prescription knowing you’re a recovering drug addict.”

  My fist clenched, and my mood turned sour. I let my head loll back for a few seconds and took a deep breath. I picked myself up and reminded myself not to snap at her.

  Everyone thinks they know you. Everyone judges you.

  I looked her in her eyes. Her gaze filled with judgment and disgust. “You shouldn’t believe the things you read in gossip magazines, Ms. Shaw.”

  “Dr. Shaw,” she corrected. I’d purposely fucked up her title to piss her off.

  “Do all doctors around here judge their patients by the trash they read at the newsstands?” I raised an eyebrow.

  She shifted in her seat but never broke eye contact. “Point taken, Mr. Pierce.”

  “It’s Xander, and it’s fine. Everyone thinks they know who I am by the shit they read in line at the grocery store.”

  “But I know better, and I apologize.”

  I shrugged, checked my watch, and ran my finger over the ring on my right hand. I watched her put the end of the pen in her mouth, and it was all I could focus on. I became completely fucking captivated by the way she bit on it, the tip of her tongue swirling around the stick. Jesus… I shifted in my seat as my erection grew heavy—straining against my jeans.

  I glanced down at my watch again as a way to stop imagining my cock taking the pen’s place in her mouth.

  “Are you in a hurry, Mr. Pierce?” I looked up as she uncrossed then recrossed her legs, wiggling slightly in her seat. Her sensual lure cried out to me, and I’d grown tired of beating around the bush. I never had a problem expressing what I needed from a woman, and I wasn’t going to start now. I met her gaze directly, and she was too prideful to look away, but she wanted to.

  “Xander.” I corrected her again.

  “What?” She pretended not to have heard me, but she just wasn’t comfortable calling me by my name.