Underneath It All (Sexual Misconduct Volume II) Read online

  “Hey.” A hand touched my bicep. I blinked in the darkness and whispered, “Jessica?”

  “What? No. Who’s Jessica?”

  Avery.

  I sighed and dropped back down to the pillow. “No one.”

  “Xander?”

  “It’s nothing. Leave it alone.”

  She lay back down, tucking herself under my arm with her head on my chest. This was what I needed. I didn’t need to sleep. I could stay up all fucking night if I could just hold her. It’d been a week since I’d found out who Gabriella was, we were in a good place, and I was pretty sure she was going to keep her mouth shut.

  Avery fidgeted and tapped her fingers on my chest. It wouldn’t take long before the psychiatrist in her took over and she’d start trying to dissect my dreams.

  I removed my arm from around her and sat up, burying my face in my hands and taking a deep breath. “I’m going for a run.”

  I got up and started to pull on my running clothes. I heard her getting off the bed and tried to ignore her when she stood next to me. Distance between us would temporarily suspend the inquisition I knew she was dying to begin.

  “It’s two a.m.”

  I shrugged. “I do it all the time. The running clears my mind, and the added exhaustion helps too.”

  “I’m coming with you.” She went to the bag of clothes she now kept at my place and started rummaging through it.

  “You’re not coming.”

  “Why not?” She spun around with a pair of running shorts in her hand.

  “Because it’s two in the morning. Go back to sleep.”

  “Are you saying you can’t protect me from a stranger in the night?”

  “Maybe I’m the stranger you need protecting from.” I looked over my shoulder at her.

  She puffed out a breath in exasperation. “I’ll take my chances.”

  I usually ran along the pathways in the woods behind the house, but since she insisted on coming along, we left through the front door and ran along the roadside. Amazingly, she kept up and never tried to bring up the conversation the whole time.

  She broke that silence two hours later, after we’d showered and eaten an early breakfast. “I could schedule you a session with Matthew.”

  I paused with my glass of orange juice against my lips and glanced at her. “You can’t be serious?”

  “Why not?” She leaned her hip on the counter beside me as I put the glass down.

  “I’m not opening up to your ex-boyfriend.” I grimaced at the thought of it.

  “He’s my friend, and he’s good at what he does.” She touched my bicep and raised an eyebrow.

  I gave her a look that said, There’s no way in fuck I’m opening up to a guy who used to stick his dick in you.

  “You need to talk to someone, Xander.” She huffed, clearly annoyed with my inability to open up.

  I leaned back against the counter and crossed my arms, meeting her determined stare. “It has to be you.”

  “Xander…” She gave me a skeptical look.

  “You want me to open up and tell you about my past, right?” I raised my eyebrows, waiting.

  “But I can’t be your therapist. We can talk as a couple.” She shook her head, running her fingers along the edge of the counter.

  “Yes, you can. I can start coming to your office again, and we’ll pretend we don’t fuck at night.” In her office, I’d be able to pretend I wasn’t so scared of losing her. In her office, I could pretend she’d wear her professional hat and not be judgmental.

  “Fine. I’ll throw professionalism right the out the window. We both know you’re not going to behave.”

  “Only one way to find out. Either way, it will be a satisfying experience for you.” I grinned shamelessly.

  “Why’s that?” She smiled because she knew what I meant. But if she needed me to spell it out…

  “Because you get to come all over your office and you get to find out what keeps me up at night.”

  Her smile widened. “You’re right. I do come out on top.”

  “I like you on top.” I reached out and pulled her to me. She wrapped her arm around my waist and I rested my chin on the top of her head.

  “Come to the office,” she said seriously. “Whenever you’re ready.”

  I nodded and we stood there holding each other for a long while because things had just changed. I’d promised to let her in, but I was still afraid she’d run away once she started sinking too far.

  Stay

  Avery

  Xander was stalling.

  A week had passed since he agreed to come to my office, and he still hadn’t made the effort to show up. The nightmares weren’t diminishing. He was constantly waking in a cold sweat or trapped in a dream, calling out to someone named Jessica.

  I was trying to be patient, but as his therapist, I was worried about him. As his lover, I wanted to hold him and make it all go away.

  I watched him as he leaned against the windowsill, staring out into the night. His room was dark, but the moon’s incandesce betrayed his handsomely distressed features. He raked a hand through his hair. Even in a tormented state, I couldn’t help but admire his naked beauty. He looked like a dark angel standing in a heavenly beam of light. His inner turmoil was a stain on his soul. If he didn’t open up soon, that stain would spread and taint who he was.

  “Xander?”

  He startled, the muscles in his back tensing before he glanced over his shoulder at me and turned back to the darkness. “You don’t have to babysit me. Go back to sleep.”

  “I’m not babysitting you.”

  In the past couple weeks, I’d grown into the habit of staying up long hours with Xander. I wasn’t trying to be his watchdog, but I got frustrated for him. His insomnia was worse than I’d expected. I’d often stay up and talk or watch a movie with him until my eyes burned from the lack of sleep. He didn’t want me to sacrifice rest for him, but I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to help.

  Xander turned and slowly stalked back to the bed. I knelt on the edge and reached out to hold his face in my hands.

  “You can tell me your secrets. Here. In the dark where they haunt you.” I slid my hand over his jaw. Confessions were always easier in the night where we could feel shrouded by its darkness. He leaned his forehead against mine, his sad green eyes pleading with me not to push.

  “Can we do it on Monday?”

  “Xander…” I didn’t believe he would open up. I didn’t believe he’d even show up at my office. He’d come up with another way to stall and keep everything locked up in that solid vault of his.

  “I promise you.” He kissed me. It was the first promise he’d ever made to me so I knew he didn’t make them lightly. He broke the kiss, then reached over and grabbed a condom off the nightstand. He kissed me aggressively, his tongue plunging into my mouth, causing me to moan.

  The mattress dipped as he climbed on, pushing me onto my back, spreading my thighs, and sheathing himself inside me unexpectedly. He wasn’t trying to make love to me. He rode me hard. He took me like a man possessed, and I wanted to be the one to drive him crazy this time.

  I wasn’t going to fool myself into thinking I was strong enough to make him do anything he didn’t concede to. He let me flip him over, allowed me to take control of his pleasure.

  I straddled his hips, sinking down and letting his cock slide right back where I needed it to be. I rode him, rocking my hips as I tunneled down onto his thick shaft. I was sweating and so wet I rode him harder. He trembled, his cock throbbing inside me.

  He gripped the sheets, stretching them so hard I thought they’d tear. His eyes rolled back, thick veins protruding from his outstretched neck. I could come just from watching his reaction to me. I knew that feeling, lived for the moments he made me feel that way.

  As I rocked my hips, I leaned in and bit him where his neck met his shoulder. His hips rocketed upward as he cried out, “Holy fuck.”

  Every solid muscle in him tightene
d and strained. His lips were parted as small sounds of shock escaped. I felt his cock jerk, then pulsate through the condom, spraying hot liquid that only intensified the flame in me. I moved quicker, rotating and feeding off the friction of my clit rubbing against his pelvis. His hands gripped my ass roughly as he matched me, banging his still-hard cock into me from beneath. In seconds, I was plummeting—coming so hard my body vibrated with rapture.

  He held me, caressing my skin and running his fingers into my hair until my eyelids grew heavy with sleep. As I drifted off, I realized he’d used his cock to put me to sleep so I’d stop fretting over him.

  ~*~*~

  We woke midafternoon. Well, I woke midafternoon. Xander was already up and moving around the kitchen. I brushed my teeth, threw on a camisole and underwear, and went to find him. The smell of eggs and bacon drifted down the hallway, causing my stomach to growl.

  I found Xander in the kitchen. His back was to me, so I took a few minutes to admire him moving around in black boxer briefs. I gazed at his toned back, tight butt, his muscular thighs, and even his bare feet. Suddenly, the breakfast he was cooking wasn’t the only thing I hungered for.

  I came up behind him and ran my hand over his sides and abs. The muscles there tightened under my fingers as I glided my hand lower.

  “Good morning to you too.” I could almost hear the smile on his face. I rested my forehead against his back and breathed him in, my hand cupping his growing erection. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you to not play with dangerous weapons?” he joked.

  “But I like being punished.”

  He spun around and wrapped his arm around my waist, leaning in to bite my lip. “Go sit down and eat your breakfast before it gets cold.” I pouted and he shook his head. “If you’re a good girl, I’ll take you in the shower afterward and give you a good… hard… pounding.” He scattered kisses on my neck between each word, causing me to shiver.

  That wasn’t a deal I’d refuse, so I did as he asked. Before we began eating, Ellie walked through the front door, pausing when she noticed us seated at the table. Things with Ellie were already weird, but now that I added Xander into the equation, she seemed even more distant. Maybe she wasn’t used to me being with someone, or maybe it was because he was so famous.

  “Hey, Ellie.” I waved at her as she tossed her bag on the couch.

  “Hey,” she mumbled.

  “Have breakfast with us.” She looked between me and Xander, and I was sure she was going to refuse, so I jumped up and grabbed her hand, pulling her into a chair. She frowned. Xander dove into his food, seemingly oblivious to the building tension.

  “Are you just coming in?” I asked as I placed a plate in front of her and joined them.

  She nodded.

  Xander barely looked up from his plate. Ellie pushed her food around or played on her phone. Me? I was confused.

  Why is it so hard to get them to connect?

  My phone rang from the other room before I really got a chance to eat anything. I ran down the hall to pick it up. I had an emergency consult at the hospital, so I jumped in the shower, got dressed, and was headed out in less than five minutes.

  When I got to the kitchen, Xander gave me a confused look. We did, after all, have a rendezvous scheduled in the shower. “I have to run to the hospital for an hour.”

  “All right,” he said, rising from his seat and picking up his plate. “I’ll just stop off at my place and—”

  “No.” I pointed at him with my eyebrows raised. “Stay here.”

  We had plans for the day, and I didn’t want him running off because I had to step out for an hour. I knew he wanted to argue with me, but in the end he just nodded, and I was on my way out.

  I’d talked him into taking me to see a movie he’d produced almost two years ago that was now playing. Of course that meant we had to be covert. He always wore a cap and sunglasses, and we arrived after the previews had begun, in the cover of darkness.

  I wanted him to feel at home at my place. Plus, he’d barely spoken two words to Ellie since they’d met. If this thing between us was going to work, they’d have to get used to each other, and this was the perfect opportunity for them to talk a little.

  Xander

  Stay.

  It sounded like a simple request, but as soon as the door shut, I knew I should’ve insisted on leaving.

  Ellie glared at me as she picked up her plate and shoved it into the dishwasher. “I got to get out of here,” she grumbled under her breath.

  “You don’t have to run away.”

  She whipped around and frowned at me. “I’m not running. I have a study group. Then later I have to go to work.”

  She put emphasis on the last word as if she were trying to remind me where we’d met.

  “You should quit.”

  “Who the fuck do you think you are? You come in here and in six weeks you’ve turned Avery into a completely different person. Now you’re trying to dictate what I do.” She waved her arms around, and her face was flushed.

  “I’m not telling you what to do. I think you already know how disappointed she’ll be if she finds out.”

  “And you’re all about not hurting her, right?” She crossed her arms over her chest.

  “You know what? Do what you want. She loves you. She’s dedicated her life to making sure yours is perfect, and you want to trash that by stripping at a titty bar and fucking strange men when you don’t have to?”

  “I told you I don’t sleep with the customers. And you have no right to judge me when you were on the receiving end.” She glared at me.

  “But I’ve stopped. When are you going to stop doing things that would hurt her? You’re better than this.”

  “You don’t know me!” She shook her head in aggravation.

  “I bet I know you better than half the people in your life. She talks about you every day. She wants the world for you.”

  “Fuck you, Xander. Just stay out of my life. Ugh… I wish I never gave you that card.” She walked off, slamming the door to her room with a resounding bang.

  So much for staying and making nice—which I’m sure was Avery’s intention.

  Let’s Play Doctor

  Xander

  “I need help.” I licked my lips and smiled at Avery because I knew she had a weakness for my dimples.

  “What kind of help?” Avery furrowed her eyebrows, gazing at me over her glasses.

  “I have an obsession with sexy doctors who pull their hair up in tight buns but wear sexy garters and naughty underwear.”

  “Well, Mr. Pierce, sounds like you need therapy.” Avery came around the desk and leaned her ass on the edge, pulling off her glasses and eying me.

  “It’s really severe, Dr. Shaw. My fingers tremble with the need to let her hair down, my mouth waters from her smell, and my dick gets so… hard.”

  She stepped forward, bit down on her bottom lip as she leaned over, and rubbed my cock through the fabric of my pants. “It’s not only hard. It’s feverishly hot.”

  “What can you do for me, doctor?”

  She smiled. A slow, sultry smile. She unfastened my belt, dragged my zipper down, and pulled out my cock. “Maybe I can cool it down.” She cupped my balls in her palm and massaged them, her lips brushing against mine. “With my mouth,” she whispered against my lips.

  I hissed.

  She dropped down to her knees, looked up at me, then rolled her tongue over the head of my cock. I jolted. It was all I could do not to come. She caressed the underside of my dick, then flicked her tongue into the seeping slit.

  Ohh… fuck. She was going to kill me. Hundreds of blowjobs and I never felt anything like this. Once she got her mouth on my cock, there was no such thing as a simple blowjob. It was more like a blast of pleasure, a rush of sensation, and then a series of aftershocks once the earthquake passed.

  Her mouth worked me hard and fast. I laced my fingers into her hair and restrained her, because the only way I’d survive this was if I took the
bull by the horns and controlled it. She peered up at me, trying to persuade me with her blue gaze to let her drive me mad.

  But fuck that. If I was going to pour my soul out to her today, I was going to savor this moment. I guided her up and down my shaft, her lips soft and her mouth hot. She licked the head every time I pulled her back, sucking me almost to the base when I pushed her down.

  She’s too good at this. I’m going to blow soon.

  The next time I pulled her back, she licked my cock with this wicked smile on her lips. Then she sucked it into her mouth and twisted and sucked and twisted. The pleasure was too much. I fucking whimpered, shuddered, then growled because I was pissed she’d won. She wasn’t going to let me stall at all. I came in a hot rush of pleasure that raced up and down my spine, then shot out into her mouth.

  She swallowed it. I think. My mind was in a whirlwind and I couldn’t focus on much of anything that happened after that orgasm.

  She sat in my lap and kissed me. Yeah… she swallowed because she tasted like me. She held me until my breathing evened out. Then she stood up and tucked my dick back in my pants.

  “Xander,” she said, pushing away my hand as I tried to slip it back up her thigh. “I know you’re stalling.” Her expression was effectively sobering. The room went from reverberating sexual cries to brimming with tension in a few short minutes. “We agreed to meet here because you said you would take this seriously.”

  “What just happened here was serious as fuck.” I smirked, trying to lighten up the solemn tone that was setting in around us.

  She frowned.

  “Fine.” I huffed a breath. “But before we continue, I want to tell you I’ve never been good at relationships.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “I mean I’m controlling and manipulative. I become consumed when I feel something for a woman.”

  “Don’t worry about any of that. I just want to know who you are underneath all the bullshit. Underneath the asshole persona, who are you?”

  I didn’t know where to begin. What were the right words? In my nervousness, I’m sure I worded my confession the worst way possible. “You want to know who I am? Underneath it all… I’m the man who killed his wife.”