Beautifully Broken (Beautifully Series, Book 1) Read online

  Her breathing slows and she leans into my hand. “I’m not lying to you Liam. I haven’t touched another man since meeting you.” She reaches up and runs her hands through my hair, knowing her touch soothes me. “I would never do that to you. You know me far more than Lucas who’s been with me for ten years. I’ve seen the files you have of me in your office.” My head snaps up, I had no idea she found my files.

  “Shh” she says bringing my forehead up against hers. “You know all that ugly stuff about me and you accept me despite it. I spend so much time wearing a mask it’s nice to be able to be myself around someone. I know you think I’ll do all those things I did to Lucas to you but I won’t betray you Liam. I won’t betray us.” Her gray eyes gleam with unshed tears. It’s killing her to let anyone see her so weak and exposed. We have our fear of weakness in common. So much fear of the emotions churning inside us we can’t even use the words that hang on an invisible wire between us. The urge to be wrapped in her is immediate. She’s my Achilles heel and I need to trust her cause being without her isn’t an option.

  I take her hand and entwine it in mines as I pull her towards my bedroom. I close the door behind us, watching her walk across the room and place her purse on my nightstand after removing her phone. She docks her iphone on my alarm clock quickly selecting a playlist.

  She walks towards me slowly unbuttoning her blouse. She stops inches from me slipping her shirt down her arm and it falls in a puddle at her feet. The tips of her perfect breast showing through the lacy cups of her bra, her hips shimmy as she slides her skirt down her legs, revealing her thong and the sexiest garter I’ve ever seen. She reaches up with her right hand and lets her hair fall from its messy bun.

  She’s the picture of a goddess as she tilts her head to one side, runs her hand through her hair letting it fall over her right shoulder. My erection throbs in my pajama bottoms.

  I want her.

  No I need her.

  I need her like I need to breath.

  I need to possess her. To place my brand on her, plant it deep in her.

  I reach out and place a hand behind her neck, dragging her up against me. I attack her lips desperately, tasting cinnamon on her lips. Her hands tangle in my hair as my hands slips down to her hips, pulling her against my erection. I squeeze her ass urging her to wrap her legs around my waist. I somehow make it to the bed dropping on top of her, never breaking our kiss.

  My lips travel to her neck licking and sucking till she moans my name. I rub her breast over her bra; she arches into my hand wanting more. I rise up on my knees, making quick work of taking her bra and panties off. As I lean in to claim her lips a hand at my chest holds me off. She runs them down my side into the edge of my pajama bottoms. I help her take them off, her hand instantly encircling my shaft. The pleasure of having her warm hands on me causing my eyes to shut. Her expert strokes bringing me to the edge. A tingling sensation begins in my cock. My eyes shot open when her tongue runs up the underside of my shaft. Her warm mouth engulfs me as she takes me deep into the back of her throat in one move. My balls begin to tighten and I grab her by her hair and pull her off.

  Her eyes plead with me to let her continue. She licks her lips in an effort to keep my essence in her mouth. I don’t want to lose it in her mouth today, I want to come deep within her. One more pull from that sexy mouth and I would have lost it. Before anything else I need to taste her. I stretch her out on the bed, placing soft kisses on her navel. As I spread her legs wider she begins to tremble with anticipation.

  The first flick of my tongue causes her to thrash about. I throw her legs over my shoulders and hold her down with and arm across her midsection. I run my tongue up one side of her pussy then down the other teasing her until she’s pulling at my hair for more. I circle her clit, loving the sounds she making. When I plunge my tongue into her pussy her back arches and she moans. I fuck her with my tongue trying to drink as much of her juice as possible. When I know she’s close I pull away.

  “Please, please Liam come back.” She begs me.

  “Don’t worry Ella; I’m not going anywhere.” I move up her body and claim her mouth. She rotates her hips rubbing her wetness against my cock. I pull back and look into her eyes.

  “Keep your eyes open. No matter how much you want close your eyes you look at me.” I command.

  I slowly guide my thick shaft into her. She spreads her leg wider to accommodate my size. Her eyelids grow heavy but she doesn’t break eye contact. She grips my biceps and moans as I begin to slowly pump in and out of her tight heat. I take her erect nipple into my mouth and suck on it. The intense glassy look of pleasure in her eyes almost finishes me.

  “Faster,” she begs.

  I ignore her pleas as I shift slightly and rock against her g-spot. My muscles tighten and I battle to keep my eyes fixed to hers. I pump in and out of her tunnel for ages keeping her on the brink. Repeatedly slowing to a standstill when I know she’s going to come

  “Please…Please Liam” she begs me, letting out a frustrated growl.

  I rise up onto my knees grabbing her hips, finally giving her what she wants. I slam my hips down and piston into her viciously. She comes hard letting out a protracted scream. Her body convulses beneath me, her tight heat squeezes my cock in a milking rhythm. Searing hot cum shots out my shaft into the body I worship like a religion. She grabs me by the back of the neck and brings my lips down to hers, drinking her flavor from my mouth. We kiss for an eternity her hands running though my hair bringing me down from a higher plane.

  Ed Sheeran’s kiss me plays from her iphone.

  I fall asleep in her arms thinking how very fitting that song is.

  So relevant.

  Chapter 6

  Isabella

  I wake at 3am to a cold bed. I roll out with a sigh and grab a shirt from one of Liam’s drawers and head out in search of him. He’s on the balcony, his back turned from me. A glass tumbler and a bottle of scotch sit on the ledge. His hands are pressed against the ledge, supporting his leaning body. He’s deep in thought and doesn’t hear me approach until I wrap my arms around his naked torso. He flinches before grabbing his glass and downing the scotch in one shot. I press my face against his exposed back, cool from the night breeze.

  “You’ll hurt me,” he says, stunning me speechless. “You’ll betray me and I’ll never be the same man again.” He states factually.

  I wish I knew how to console him, calm his fears. Truth is I’m so fucked up I’m not sure what I’m capable of. I know what his fear is like though, I suffer from it every day. My beauty is all I have, love and trust destroy your soul. I slip under his arm and face him, trying to avoid the pangs of fear from the height. I caress his face with my hand, trying to wipe away the worry lines forming on his handsome face.

  “I won’t hurt you. What I feel for you is just as scary for me as your feelings for me are to you. Give us a chance because I can’t be without you. Yesterday when I thought I was going to lose you I couldn’t accomplish anything. I had no mind capacity for anything besides getting to you and fixing us. Let me have you, your body…your heart. I know if there’s ever going to be someone for me, it’s you. Maybe were too fucked up to make this work but I’m willing to try”

  He looks in the distance behind me contemplating my words. When he grabs my head and invades my mouth with his, I melt into him. The kiss is over as fast as it began. He leans his forehead against mine, his hands trembling on each side of my face.

  “I love you,” he whispers.

  I stare into his eyes speechless. I love him as much as I am capable of loving him, more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I just can’t find the courage to say it aloud. He places a quick kiss on my lips, grabs the bottle of scotch and walks silently back into the apartment.

  I stay alone on the balcony for a while, hoping to find the inner strength I never had before to fight for these new feelings I want to explore so badly, if I can only get past my demons. I know losing him would be worst than
anything else I’ve ever suffered. I’m willing to risk my heart and soul for Liam. Walking away is not a viable option.

  When I finally go back in, the apartment is dark. Liam is lying across the bed naked on his back, staring up at the ceiling. I strip his t-shirt over my head and join him.

  I lay my head on his chest and his arms encircle me; pulling me into his warmth. He shifts onto his side to face me. I get lost in his brilliantly green eyes as he draws circles down my naked back.

  I don’t remember if he closed his eyes first or if I did but I know for sure the connection we shared staring into each other’s eyes didn’t break when we shut them.

  ******

  The next morning the apartment is empty when I wake up. I go to the kitchen to start my coffee but it’s already made. I shower and make breakfast, still no sign of Liam. By mid afternoon irrational thoughts of him out with Alice taunt me.

  When Liam finally strolls in I throw my hands up exasperated by his cool demeanor.

  “Where the fuck have you been?”

  “Did you miss me?” he smiles wickedly at me.

  “I was five minutes away from going home and not come back-ever.”

  “Come on Ella, who do you think your fooling, you can’t stay away from all of this.” He says lifting his t-shirt over his head, exposing that perfectly rippled chest and abs.

  “Be careful your head’s about to explode from that humungous ego.”

  “Uh huh,” he says not believing I’m as unaffected as I’m pretending. He runs his hand over his chest sliding it down over his abs. I watch his hand rest at his belt buckle, urging him on with my eyes. If I wasn’t so stubborn I’d be screaming at him to take it off.

  He chuckles devilishly, watching my eyes deflate when his hands leave the belt untouched. He grabs my hand, pulling me into his arms. “I had to meet with a couple people, we leave in one week.”

  “What do you mean?” I’m confused, we didn’t make any plans to go anywhere.

  “We’re leaving for Palm Beach next week.” He thinks I’m going to pick up and move with him.

  “Liam I can’t just pickup and leave in one week. I have a job, a life here.”

  “You can do the same exact job in Palm Beach and you told me yourself Lucas is never going to get over you if you’re in the same town.” He cocks an eyebrow at me knowing he’s right.

  “No.” I say as he stares at me shocked. He’s still unused to my willful temperament.

  His eyes flash with anger, “How the fuck did you expect this to work then. Last night you beg me to trust this and now you want to stay here with Lucas.”

  “It’s not about Lucas,” I shout back. “Okay, maybe a little. He’s been my everything for so long how can I just pick up and leave him.”

  “What do you want me to say to that? How am I supposed to feel when you say another man is you’re everything?” I watch him quietly retreat to his room. It’s only been a few hours and I’m already hurting him. I want to go after him and tell him I’ll go with him but I also want to stay here, where I have a family in Lucas and Anna. I can’t have both, the damage between the two men is too far gone for happy reunions. Once my relationship with Liam comes out I know their battle will turn into a bloody war, worst than the one between their fathers.

  When Lucas told me what happened between their families I thought it odd how two men could let a women devastate their friendship. Now I’m the one annihilating my friendship with Luc over Liam.

  Liam comes out his room dressed to slay hearts. His masculine scent hits me full force and moisture pools in my panties. His hair still wet and disheveled from his quick shower.

  “Where are you going?” I ask as he picks up his keys.

  “I have a date,” he walks by me towards the door.

  “No, no, no. You can’t just run out with another woman anytime we disagree. You’re being juvenile and manipulative.”

  He turns a sharp eye on me, “I’m being manipulative? I see through you Isabella Moss, I know what you’re doing. You have an emotional relationship with Lucas and a physical one with me. You want to hold onto that love you share with him while I fuck you at night.”

  He advances so close to me I can feel his furious breaths against my cheek.

  “Your perfect Lucas doesn’t know how dirty you like it does he? How savagely you like to be fucked? He probably treats you like a piece of glass he’s afraid he’ll break. In all those years he’s never even realized you can’t break glass that’s already been shattered.” He brushes past me, slamming the door behind him.

  I’m shell-shocked, left staring at the door he exited through. How had he discerned so much about me in such a short time? When I finally move I make it to his bed and curl into a ball. I don’t bother pulling the blanket over my body. The shivers running through me won’t subside by a warm blanket, my soul is cold, empty.

  Liam is the only person to ever make me confront the truth. I’m a lot more broken then I would like to admit. Going to Dr. Shultz had only been an attempt to stop my promiscuity. I never let him dive into anything underneath that issue. Tonight I realize I’m not just broken I’m shattered and blind. Blind to the pieces of myself that are long lost to me.

  I realize my pillow is cold and wet. I shoot up into a sitting position, running my hand over the moisture on the pillow. Still doubtful of the tangible proof beneath my hands; my fingers brush against my face. My eyes focus in on the droplets on my fingers.

  Tears?

  I haven’t seen my own tears in so long I no longer believed they existed. Crying was what the weak Isabella used to do. After realizing how much power one can gain from her tears, she vowed never to cry again. The new Isabella that emerged that day was better, stronger.

  A liar.

  I’ve lied to myself. Denied myself the pain and the fear I’ve felt.

  My head drops back down unto the wet pillow and I let go. Let go of all of it and bawl my eyes out.

  I cry until my eyes swell.

  I cry until there are no more tears left to cry.

  I cry until I drift asleep thinking of the love I let walk out on me.

  Liam

  I meet her at Tru. She walks into the restaurant in a tight black mini dress and fuck-me heels. Ordinarily I would take a woman to dinner then drag her back to my place, where I would bend her tight little body over a chair and fuck her until she’s breathless, afterwards I send her on her way while I shower her scent off of me.

  Tonight, as enticing as Alice looks, my body is not cooperating. My mind keeps rehashing my encounter with Ella. The agony in her eyes haunting me throughout dinner. I absent-mindedly participate in conversation with Alice, nodding at the appropriate times, not remembering much of what she says.

  After realizing she took a taxi to meet me I offer her a ride home. On the ride to her place her hand creep up my thigh, she’s not expecting this night to end anytime soon. My mind tells me to take her up on her offer and leave Isabella in the past but my foolish heart begs me to leave Alice at her door. What the fuck does my heart know anyway? When Isabelle stomps on it leaving it aching, it will thank me for this.

  I follow her into her apartment, turning down her offer for a drink. She immediately moves in to kiss me, both of us already knowing what this is about. I turn my face before she can claim my lips offering her my neck, her lips on mine too personal for me at this point.

  It doesn’t take much time before she backs up stripping her dress, revealing her red lacy thong. Her breast are already bare, she rubs them baiting me to come taste them. Fuck, this shouldn’t be so hard. I never had a problem fucking random chicks before I came to Chicago. Ella has me so far gone my cock is only semi-erect while a sexy, naked women touches herself in front of me.

  I watch her unbutton my shirt, her eyes nervously glancing into mine. She knows I’m not fully into this. By the time her fingers begin fumbling with my belt even my brain is screaming at me to run. But I’ve never been good with listening to or
ders.

  I stay.

  I stay when her hand wraps around my cock.

  I stay when she drops down to her knees and licks me.

  By the time she has me fully seated in the back of her throat, I’m so sick with myself I want to hurl my dinner up. I shove her warm mouth off me and pull my cloths back on. She’s on her knees gazing up at me with questioning eyes, not sure where she went wrong.

  I leave without a word. I’m such a fucking dick. I wasn’t satisfied with hurting one woman today I had to hurt two.

  I came to Chicago feeling like a conqueror. I would take the company away from Lucas and his dad and my father and I would be free of them for good. Now a month later I’m walking the streets of Chicago sick over a woman. A woman who would choose to be with a Fields over me just as my mother did. A mother who loves another man’s son more than her own, in all the years she’s been gone she’s never even made a small gesture to acknowledge my existence.

  She’d chosen Lucas over me. He was the son she always wanted. Now Ella would choose him too. Maybe they were both right, Lucas is a better man than I am. He would never do to Ella what I did tonight. But I refuse to be the blind fool he’s been for all these years. I know she’s capable of doing exactly what I did tonight, maybe more. Whatever she feels for me is not enough to have stopped her in a similar situation.

  ********

  She’s still here.

  Thank god she’s still here is all I can think when I see Ella’s sleeping form in the middle of my bed. I hate myself for it but I love this woman. I don’t know how much longer she’ll let me have her but I don’t want to waste my time with her. If she leaves me tomorrow for Lucas I want to at least be able to hold her one more night.