Fight for Me Read online

  When we got to my place, I jumped out of the car and raced up the stairs. I grabbed my laptop and iPad off my desk. As I left the room, I stopped to glance at the picture of Alec on my bedside table. People thought it was harder when I saw his pictures. I think my mom hid his pictures from me. In reality, what really hurt was not being able to see his face. I was constantly afraid I’d forget what he looked like. So I always kept his picture close to me. I picked up the small frame and put it in my carrier before I left the room. The faster I got back into that car, the sooner I’d be away from Ty.

  Ty remained silent on the ride home. Big surprise. It was getting dark, and Ryder’s car wasn’t in the garage when we pulled in. I reached for the handle as soon as the car came to a halt.

  “Don’t hurt him.” I stilled at Ty’s words, then glanced back at him. He was staring out the windshield with two fingers worrying his lips.

  “You don’t like me because you think I’ll hurt your friend?”

  He looked at me, his hazel eyes a little less wary. “I never said I didn’t like you. I’m just being cautious for Ryder. He’s like a brother to me, and after he saved you, it’s like you stayed with him. It took him weeks to rehabilitate his arm, but that wasn’t the worst part. He’d show up at my house in the middle of the night drunk. He was so anxious and would ask to crash on my couch. I couldn’t figure out what was up with him. He’d never been much of a drinker before that.

  “Then he’d begin calling out to you in his sleep, and I realized he was reliving the whole thing. At the time, Leah lived with him. I’m guessing him calling out to you didn’t sit well with her, hence him ending up on my couch. Now he’s obsessed with being your protector. I heard what happened with Jacob. Ryder doesn’t fight anyone outside the ring. He’s getting attached to you, and if anything happens to you, he’ll lose it.”

  It was weird hearing about Ryder struggling over what I’d done. It was a little disheartening to think I’d caused trouble in his life.

  “Ty, I respect that you’re worried about him, but it’s not possible for me to hurt him. He won’t let me close enough for that.”

  “He probably thinks he’ll hurt you, so he’s backed off. I know he wants you, and I want him to be happy, but please don’t do anything crazy, because he’d never recover.”

  I nodded my head, grabbed my things, and got out of the car as fast as possible. I was in a different place back then. It bothered me when everyone thought I still had one foot over the ledge.

  Alexis

  My fifth day at Ryder’s place felt more like a lifetime. Being around him made the days fuller, vibrant, and longer. I was beginning to be so centered in his universe my sense of real time disappeared.

  I was in bed, restlessly waiting for him, when he came home the night before. He showered, slipped under the sheets, and pressed his warm skin to mine until we fell asleep in each other’s arms like lovers.

  We woke as dawn broke over the night sky. I knew he was awake because he held me tighter, and his soft breath changed to something more erratic. The sexual energy was so hot that sweat beaded on my skin, but neither of us made a move. I was tired of getting rejected but almost frustrated enough to do it. He was attracted to me, I was sure of it, but he wouldn’t let things progress.

  I lay in his arms for over an hour, torturing myself, before I slipped out from under his heavy hold. I felt his gaze following me across the room. I grabbed my bag and carried it to the bathroom on the other side of the apartment. I needed the distance. I needed some time to get my thoughts and my body back under control. Staying with Ryder might not have been a smart idea, but how could I resist his invitation when this was always what I’d wished for? No matter how aggravated I was that he kept pushing me away, leaving was not a plausible solution for me.

  My reflection in the mirror frightened me. My hair was a tangled mess, and my eyes were red from exhaustion. I looked like I’d been in the middle of a battle. And I sort of was in a battle to keep control of my body and my heart. I was falling for Ryder, and I just hoped he’d be there to catch me.

  I showered, pulled my hair into a tight ponytail, and threw on my workout clothes. Ryder was in the kitchen when I came out. His hair was wet from his shower. He wore a pair of black running shorts that were barely staying up on his slim hips. He was shirtless, and I gazed at the light dusting of hair trailing into his shorts. I thought I composed myself in the bathroom, but the heat level in the room was rising along with my body temperature.

  I drank in the sight of his bare chest. The way the muscles of his abdomen stretched so smoothly into a delicious V shape accentuated how perfect his body was and gave me chills.

  “Where are you going?” he asked, watching me drool over his body.

  “For a run.”

  “So let’s do this.” He picked up a shirt from the counter and pulled it over his head.

  He wants to run with me?

  He probably ran ten miles a day. There was no way I’d be running with him. I was more of a treadmill kind of girl, and Ryder ran outdoors. “I won’t be able to keep up.”

  He looked at me and smiled. “I’ll run at your pace. You’ll be fine.”

  Did he say he’d run at my pace?

  Well, he did, but he pushed me to go much farther than I was comfortable with. By the time we made it back to the gym, I was panting for air, begging for water, and lying on the cushioned flooring with Ty laughing over me.

  Ryder handed me a bottle of water while Ty continued to be amused at my exhausted state. I knew I would never run with him again. He’d tricked me into pushing further than I thought possible with his commanding tone and trainer ways. Once I caught my breath, I dragged myself to the women’s locker room. I showered and changed into the spare clothes I left in my locker a few days before.

  Ryder was waiting outside the locker room door when I stepped out. He hadn’t showered yet, but he had removed his sweat-drenched shirt. We silently stared at each other until I couldn’t stand it anymore. If he was going to continue to ignore the energy between us, then I would, too. I tried to walk past him, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back. My back was pressed against his bare chest for a few brief seconds before he spun me around. I pushed against him, but his body was as solid as the wall he’d me backed up against.

  He reached out, and I flinched before he even touched me. I was tired of the game we seemed to be playing. I’d wanted him for so many years. He had to know how long I’d wanted him, but I never saw a flare of interest from him until he stepped back into my life last week. I didn’t want him to kiss me because I knew he’d pull away after bringing me to the edge. He moved in closer, his lips a mere inch away from mine. He ran his fingertips down my face and around my neck as he pushed his body against mine.

  God, it wasn’t this hot a minute ago.

  I quivered as those fingers moved across my skin. “I’m sorry about the other night. I was jealous, but I shouldn’t have thrown Leah in your face.”

  I nodded at his apology because I couldn’t snap out of my lustful thoughts long enough to reply. My gaze was locked on his full lips. He leaned in, my breaths grew short and labored, but instead of kissing me, he skated his lips across my face.

  “What are you doing to me?” he whispered, kissing the sensitive spot under my ear that made my body quiver. “Whatever you’re doing, I don’t want it to stop.” He pulled back and looked at me, his blue eyes dark with lust.

  “Ever,” he said against my lips. He licked my lower lip, and I whimpered for more. I needed more. I grasped his head in my hands and slipped my tongue into his mouth. The moist sweep of his tongue against mine made me delirious. He groaned from deep in his throat. His hands slid down my sides, then slipped under my shirt. Shockwaves of pleasure flowed through me as he caressed my skin.

  I felt the thick length of him pressed against my stomach. Our tongues battled to sate a hunger that had been simmering between us all week. A tingling began in my core, and if I didn’
t get Ryder inside me soon, it would turn into an unbearable ache.

  He continued to thrust his tongue into my mouth, probing its depths for a deeper connection. When he sucked on my tongue, it rippled through my sex as if he were stroking me there. The pressure was so incredible I’d do anything if he’d only unchain me from the desire I was drowning in. I needed him to pound it out of me until I was screaming his name with tears of completion in my eyes. He slipped his fingers into my pants. He flirted with the edge of my panties. I pushed farther into him, encouraging him to touch me where I needed it the most. Somewhere in my mind, I registered a door opening, but I was too absorbed in the taste of Ryder’s kiss to pull away.

  “Now I get it.” The words cut into our erotic moment. I broke the kiss and looked up into Jacob’s frowning face. Ryder ignored his presence, biting and sucking on my neck. Maybe he wanted Jacob see him laying down his claim on me, because he didn’t back off even after I tried to push him away.

  “Fucking your stepsister, huh?” Jacob shook his head as he walked closer. He leaned on the wall next to us, then said, “What would my sister think of this?”

  Ryder finally eased up and glared at Jacob. “Leah knows where we stand.”

  Leah is Jacob’s sister?

  “Is that so?” Jacob laughed. “She seems to think you two are close to being an item again. She said you guys reconnected a couple nights ago. Look, she’s my sister and I know she’s done some fucked-up shit, but so have you. This isn’t the first time you needed space, but you two always end up back together.”

  “We didn’t reconnect. I put her in a cab. Nothing happened.” Ryder was looking at Jacob, but I knew the explanation was for me.

  “He’s using you, you know?” he said directly to me, then looked back at Ryder. “When you’re done with this one, let me know. I was never into your leftovers, but for her…” He shrugged with a cocky smile on his face.

  The muscles in Ryder’s shoulders tensed under my fingertips. He clenched his teeth, and a muscle in his jaw jumped. A new storm was brewing in his eyes, entirely different from the one that was brewing between us seconds before.

  “If you ever touch her, I’ll finish what I started the other night.” Ryder’s tone was cold and angry. Jacob looked a little surprised Ryder stood up for me.

  He shook his head and said, “Wow, Ryder, Leah will be interested in how protective you are of her.” He grabbed his bag off the floor, leaving us alone in the hallway.

  Ryder leaned his forehead against mine and sighed. I ran a soothing hand at the back of his neck and into his hair. The tension began to melt off him as he gazed into my eyes. He kissed me again, softly and sensually.

  “I’m sorry about that,” he said when he finally pulled away.

  “It’s fine. It’s probably more my fault than yours. I should’ve never led him on.”

  He clasped my head between his hands. A deep frown etched into his face. “I don’t want to pull you into my shit. I should stay away, but I don’t know how.”

  “Don’t.”

  He smiled, shook his head, and kissed the top of my head. “You have no idea what you’re asking. You’ll never be able to get out from under me.”

  I never wanted to.

  ~*~*~

  I left the gym and went back up to Ryder’s place, feeling heavily aroused and deeply agitated. Aroused from Ryder’s kisses and agitated by Jacob’s words. All my questions about Leah were answered, and I didn’t like what I’d heard.

  Obviously, Leah was a fixture in Ryder’s life. The last thing I needed was to fall for another man who would hurt me. There was no reason I couldn’t have Ryder physically if I could keep all the emotional stuff at bay. What happened with Logan nearly destroyed me. With Ryder it would be worse. I picked up my phone and sent Shelby a text message.

  Do you think it will happen again?

  Shelby was always prompt to answer, so her reply came in under a minute.

  What???

  Lose myself so deep in someone it costs me everything.

  You haven’t lost everything.

  Lost my other half. Most days it feels like everything.

  I waited for her to respond, but she called me instead. I picked up on the second ring. “I know I always do this, but it’s different this time.”

  “Different? Because of Ryder and what he’s making you feel?”

  “I don’t want to be like I was with Logan. I don’t want anyone to be able to hurt me like that again.”

  “This is exactly what I’m talking about. I want you to be happy, but you won’t allow yourself to be. Do you think this is how Alec wanted you to turn out?” At the mention of his name, my heart stuttered and a sharp pain echoed within me.

  “Alec is not here to care about what I do.”

  “You put up this strong act. Like you control your destiny and you don’t need love anymore, but that’s bullshit. You’re pretending. Pretending to be happy with the life you’ve created, but I know you, Lexi. You’re not happy.”

  When I wasn’t pretending, everyone hovered over me. Once I’d figured out how to get everyone off my back, there was no way I’d go back to just being me. There wasn’t enough of me left, anyway. I hadn’t known who I was since I lost Alec.

  “I want to be happy, Shelby, but I’m scared.”

  “I know, sweetheart, but we both need to overcome our fears.”

  “I know you’re right. I miss you, Shells.” We usually talked every day and saw each other three times a week.

  “Let’s get together Friday night. I’ll meet you at The Lounge.”

  “Ehh… I don’t know. The last time I was there someone bashed in the windows on my car.”

  “Yeah, I heard about that. Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine, but Mom’s going to kill me when she gets the bill.”

  “Lexi, please, your dad left over ten million dollars in a trust. With Alec gone, all that money goes to you.”

  “You don’t know my mom. She doesn’t want me to turn entitled like her parents were. She hates when I waste money.”

  “But the car incident wasn’t your fault.”

  “Yes, it was. I left my car overnight. I was irresponsible. She never wanted to buy me the car in the first place. She trusted me to take care of it, and I didn’t.”

  “Okay, since it’s such a sore spot, we can go somewhere else.”

  I thought about going to the bar down the street from Ryder’s gym, but the place was filled with college kids. I really liked our bar, and I wasn’t going to let anyone chase me away.

  “No, let’s meet at The Lounge Friday night at ten.”

  “Great, I’ll be there.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Alexis

  I jerked awake. My heart was pounding, and I was breathing heavily.

  “Are you okay?” Ryder asked, but I stared at him blankly, not fully aware of where I was and what he was doing there.

  “Lexi?”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” I ran a hand through my hair and fell back to the pillow. I wasn’t even sure when Ryder got into bed, but my nerves were too frayed for me to care.

  “You want to talk about it?” His hand caressed my arm. He pulled me over until we were facing each other.

  “It’s just a nightmare.”

  I looked up into his eyes, and I could tell he was trying to figure out if he should push the subject, but he decided not to. He nodded slowly. His presence in the bed usually eased my anxiety and allowed me to sleep. Tonight, I didn’t think I’d be getting much more rest. It was silent for a long while, but I felt his thoughts filling the room.

  “Just ask,” I said. I hated when people thought by asking me what was on their mind, I’d break. If Ryder really wanted to talk, I didn’t want him to be afraid to ask me questions.

  “Do you ever think about that night?”

  Finally. No one ever talks about that night.

  “Almost every day,” I answered immediatel
y because I knew it was what he’d been thinking. “I think about how blinded I was by the pain. I think about what would’ve happened if you weren’t there. Would I have seen Alec again, or would I have drifted off into nothingness? Either way, at the time, I would’ve rather been nothing than to be without him.”

  “We would’ve missed you, Lexi.” Ryder closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “You’ll always mean something to everyone who knows you.”

  I smiled at him, and he stared at me, his eyes brimming with concern. I reached out and ran my hand over the stubble beginning to grow on his face.

  “More than anything, I think about you calling out to me and the relieved look on your face when I woke up. You saved me in more ways than you’ll ever realize.”

  He pulled me against his chest with a large arm around my waist and nuzzled his head into my neck and inhaled me. I was amazed by how natural it felt to be in his arms, and I was even more surprised when I began to drift off into a dreamless sleep moments later.

  ~*~*~

  Ryder woke up the next morning in an oddly jubilant mood.

  “Let me take you out?” he asked with a sexy little smile. We’d just finished eating the breakfast he made us, and he didn’t have to train that day. This was a very rare occasion, according to him.

  “Where are we going?”

  “It’s a surprise.” He pulled me into his arms and hugged me. It seemed like we’d reached a turning point, and he was no longer denying his feelings for me. His flirting and touching were amped up, and I wasn’t complaining.

  “What should I wear?”

  “You’re fine like that.” I took a step back and looked down at my ripped jeans and crop top and shook my head. I didn’t know if we’d be out all night and knew I’d get cold.

  “It gets too chilly at night for this shirt.”

  He glanced down at my shirt with a mischievous look. “Is this because you’re cold?” He reached out and skimmed a finger over my beaded nipple, and it knotted up even tighter. The heat of his touch on my sensitive flesh caused fire to shoot to my core. He slowly moved his fingers down until he was touching the little jewel hanging from my navel.